It is a beautiful day, yet feelings of loss and sadness, loss of appetite, lack of concentration, low self-worth, less energy to do things, no motive to live life, no interest in talking to people, shutting down, no interest to wake up, crying not knowing why, suicidal thoughts. Nothing in the world feels better, and the question of what is the point of even living, walking, talking, and doing anything at all. People around us can go about saying how much they love us and none of it really makes any difference. It is crippling and literally nothing really helps. This is depression. Millions of people around the world are going through this. It is an epidemic like never before in time. And yet we resist talking about it, just because of the stigma around the mental illnesses. It is as real as any physical ailment and dangerous enough because it is not physically apparent.
Why do I want to talk about depression? Because it took me on a most difficult ride and turned my life upside down. I had locked up myself in my room for days together, cried out loud, stared into the darkness, barely eating, no communication with the external world, laying in bed round the clock, no interest in living, suicidal thoughts/attempts, avoiding seeing any people, and very low self esteem. I remember a day, when I had to go attend a meeting and I was sitting there with my tears waiting to pour down. But I had to hold myself together until I can get back home. Depression is very real. And often times we do not even know what exactly is happening until it gets real nasty. Though there could be a variety of external triggers that drives one into depression, it is always a pointer to the fact that, the relationship that we have with our self is falling apart. And this is when one starts to pick up all the broken pieces, walks out wearing a smile, pretending to be just fine.
Have you ever noticed that life teaches best lessons via pain? Not that the intention is to put one through pain, but if not for pain one would not never stop cutting himself. Pain has an evolutionary purpose of showing us what does not work for us. It puts into perspective the areas of life that needs to be realigned and reprogrammed. And self help turns out to be the best help ever received. It is really amazing to see, when all of a sudden people who survived depression having crazy love and zeal for life, and we will see people climbing mountains, talking wisdom, spreading joy, and living as though there is nobody around them. Suddenly they are not afraid of quitting jobs, leaving people, speaking their truth, and being honest. They start to live life as though there is no tomorrow and only now and here. How would you live tomorrow if you had a near death experience today?
Though it was a difficult journey, it taught me the most invaluable lessons for life. I am the person I am going to live with until the end of my time. And I am the only person I have in my control. Depression took me to the darkest places inside. It helped me heal, and made myself a better place to live in. If anything it brought me closer to myself, self reliant, conscious, empowered and much more closer to life.
Life never works against us, it us working against ourselves. Instead of asking why, why me, start asking how, how can I heal myself. Ask for help. There exist a whole lot of people who will listen to us without judgments and simply be. The only person who can know you to the core is you. You can be all romantic and say, no my partner knows me better. Yeah, but no! It is you. Depression is an opportunity to explore this one piece of life in its true depths. And then you will see how life is a good enough reason to celebrate.