Be it a relationship, a job, or a family, it is always better to clearly vocalize what we think we naturally deserve, rather than beating around the bush. We often stay quite or accept what we get for the fear of losing someone/something, or for the fear of not being accepted. But the fact is, things or people that are meant to stay with us, will be all ears to listen to what we have to ask for, rather than letting us live in our anxieties. Friendships and relationships get more authentic and real only when there this mutual respect and honesty.
While this is true, the most agonizing part is that we sometimes do not really know what we need for ourselves. And sometimes we end up labeling our needs as bad or wrong, just because someone else said so. There is this saying by a philosopher and a writer named Cooley, which goes something like this, “Today, I am not what I think I am. I am not what you think I am. I am what I think you think I am”. We deceive ourselves of our own truths. We try to fit ourselves into shoes that are never really meant to fit. There is a difference between what we want and what we need. And we can know them only through the knowledge of the self.
It is essential to learn how to set healthy boundaries, and that is the least amount of respect that we can give to ourselves. Boundaries not out of fear, but out of love of the self and of others. And to set boundaries one must have a clear perception of what he wants for himself. A perception beyond fear, the trap of what others would think, and out of the box where they told we should live in. Voicing our needs with openness and honesty, will not only stop people from walking over us, but also brings us people who can reciprocate the same level of respect, love and vulnerability. And that is how beautiful connections are made.
Love yourself enough to ask for what you need, and love yourself more to allow life to bring you that.